I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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