Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
