So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
