Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
