An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
she pinky promised me she was 18
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
