Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
high people should be assigned attendants
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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