Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
