you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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