I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
