I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
