i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
