He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize