and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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