my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
