I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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