They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
