I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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