I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
