I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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