I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
