My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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