Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
