i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
