I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
