Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
