i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Who died my cat blue again?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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