If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
