don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
