dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
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