She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
