Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
