I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
