One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
