i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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