i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
