Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
