My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
NoShamevember. You game?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize