worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
