so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
