When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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