I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
