don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
