So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
