remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
