the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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