The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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