someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
