The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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