Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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