I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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