my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
