but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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