ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I think my nap took me to another dimension
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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