there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
