she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
