my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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