I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
