They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
