i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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