And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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