The best revenge is premature balding
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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