when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I could make wine with my vomit
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
