I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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