her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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