i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize