so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
