Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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