playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
