Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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