Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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