Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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