So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
