im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
