I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
