Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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