The maid of honor just puked.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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