I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
