I'm sorry my penis didn't work
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
